Tuesday, August 08, 2006

chink eyes

my chink eyes are even chinkier than normal. for some reason, i woke up at 5.30am and couldn't go back to sleep til 7am. i was tossing and turning, lying straight thinking bout my dreams, tossing and turning, lying on my sides watching thoughts zoom by like a bullet train.

7am. sleep came again as the sun started to peek above the silhoutte of buildings.

9.30am. i'm awake again. fucking hell. i kept waking up in the middle of the night the night before as well. *bangs head on wall*

i had a really disturbing dream a few nights ago.

i was talking to someone and somehow a memory flitted through my mind, but i couldn't remember if it was real or not. i remembered vaguely that somewhere back in my past, i had been raped at my aunty's house at knife point. but somehow i had managed to block out that memory for years until now.

so throughout the whole dream, i was trying to figure out if it really happened. when i was convinced it was real, i was trying to remember the details of the rape.

i woke up very disturbed, almost believing that it was true. if i couldn't tell reality apart from dreams, i'd be clinically insane by now. oh wait... how do i know i'm not?

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