rain, rain, go away

i'm in one of those slit-your-wrist, i-wanna-die, what-is-the-point-of-it-all moods. perfect material for emo punk rock songs.

but don't worry. i won't slit my wrists.

i just heard someone whisper "DAMN!" under their breath. bastard.

but no, really. i sometimes wonder, what is the point of it all? is everyone too busy getting caught up in relationships, marriages, jobs, kids and money to think about what really matters in the big picture? some people see the process of setting up a family and a stable life as the big picture.

but i see more. there HAS to be more.

but then, maybe that's just my delusional way of justifying my way of living life with temporary moments of happiness. and when those moments fade, i move on. in fact, i think i live life FOR those temporary moments of comfort, joy, security, watever. the moments that make you feel like life is worth living.

i live for those moments, so much so that i will put myself into situations that will never have a happy ending. i know very well it won't work, yet, i persist.

i never was a very bright child.

i turned into a dead end but stubbornness, hope and denial keep pushing me into the wall. so here i am, headbutting a wall with nowhere to go.